pushing the play button....
i quit my job back in may to take a summer internship working for a youth group at a church in oklahoma. i know it seems crazy, with the economy and everything to quit a full time job to accept a summer internship. but thats what i did. and i still can say without a doubt that was the best thing for me to do...
so i worked in oklahoma till july, then moved back to memphis to wait till i heard about some jobs that i applied for. well i was offered one of those jobs pretty soon after i left, but decided that i didnt want that job. typically when interviewing someone, you dont want to tell them that the job they are applying for is a "very stressful job." i decided that i did not want to travel and be stressed alot, so i didnt take the job. since then i have been waiting for "my dream job" that i applied for and actually got an interview. the interview went very well and they told me they would call me a week later. they never did. to make a long story short, they are still having me wait. its been months. now im in the midst of waiting 2 more weeks to see if they are going to fill this job or another job. its not been too bad waiting since ive been working full time at a photography studio i worked at several years ago but its hard to just relax knowing that any day any minitue they could either call and offer me the job or they could say that they decided not to fill the position. so i am really anxious and hoping that they will call sometime soon.
over the past few months i have learned several things about life. one thing that i have learned is that i keep putting my life on hold for other people and things. but now i think its time for me to live for myself and follow after God and noone else. so here i go. there are 2 things that are keeping me from living life to the fullest. and its not that these things are necessarily bad, one is the job i keep waiting on and one is a friendship. so neither is bad really, but the thing that makes them bad is that i keep putting my life on hold for these 2 things. so im moving on from this, not going to let these things put the rest of my life on pause (but i will still be excited if i get the job, but in the meantime im going to be looking to see what i want to do).
i think about the future often and what id like for it to be like. id like to be married and have kids, but i know that is not in my immediate future (even though sometimes i think im ready for that). so if im really going to quit putting my life on pause and start enjoying today what do i want to do? what is it that really uses the gifts that God has blessed me with?
well part of this stems from the 2 years that i worked at the home for girls in foster care in arkansas. when i think about the happiest times, when i felt most in my element, using gifts that God has blessed me with, i think about the times spent with those girls and campers at camp. There are memories that flood my mind every time i think of them. several of those girls are on my mind throughout the day and i would absolutely do anything i could for them... so why am i telling you all this? because thats what gets me excited about life... picture this with me... a small cabin on a few acres of land, my dogs running around the yard, and several girls living life with me, through good times and bad, some from worse backgrounds than you can imagine, some young girls some teenagers... it doesnt matter really, all i want is to have a home where girls feel wanted and loved, and where they can learn about God, and i can patiently love on them through a hard time in their life and for the rest of their lives or for the season that God allows me to be with them. thats what i want...
so will this happen? im not sure.. i could get the job i applied for several months ago. but will my heart change? no... the girls ive met, their stores, their sweet faces, are forever engrained on my mind and in my heart, i will never forget them, and i will always wish that i could have done more for them. i pray that God will lead me, especially over the next few weeks and months, to the right people to help me determine what He has planned for my future, and that He will give me a peace and understanding about His plans.
so i worked in oklahoma till july, then moved back to memphis to wait till i heard about some jobs that i applied for. well i was offered one of those jobs pretty soon after i left, but decided that i didnt want that job. typically when interviewing someone, you dont want to tell them that the job they are applying for is a "very stressful job." i decided that i did not want to travel and be stressed alot, so i didnt take the job. since then i have been waiting for "my dream job" that i applied for and actually got an interview. the interview went very well and they told me they would call me a week later. they never did. to make a long story short, they are still having me wait. its been months. now im in the midst of waiting 2 more weeks to see if they are going to fill this job or another job. its not been too bad waiting since ive been working full time at a photography studio i worked at several years ago but its hard to just relax knowing that any day any minitue they could either call and offer me the job or they could say that they decided not to fill the position. so i am really anxious and hoping that they will call sometime soon.
over the past few months i have learned several things about life. one thing that i have learned is that i keep putting my life on hold for other people and things. but now i think its time for me to live for myself and follow after God and noone else. so here i go. there are 2 things that are keeping me from living life to the fullest. and its not that these things are necessarily bad, one is the job i keep waiting on and one is a friendship. so neither is bad really, but the thing that makes them bad is that i keep putting my life on hold for these 2 things. so im moving on from this, not going to let these things put the rest of my life on pause (but i will still be excited if i get the job, but in the meantime im going to be looking to see what i want to do).
i think about the future often and what id like for it to be like. id like to be married and have kids, but i know that is not in my immediate future (even though sometimes i think im ready for that). so if im really going to quit putting my life on pause and start enjoying today what do i want to do? what is it that really uses the gifts that God has blessed me with?
well part of this stems from the 2 years that i worked at the home for girls in foster care in arkansas. when i think about the happiest times, when i felt most in my element, using gifts that God has blessed me with, i think about the times spent with those girls and campers at camp. There are memories that flood my mind every time i think of them. several of those girls are on my mind throughout the day and i would absolutely do anything i could for them... so why am i telling you all this? because thats what gets me excited about life... picture this with me... a small cabin on a few acres of land, my dogs running around the yard, and several girls living life with me, through good times and bad, some from worse backgrounds than you can imagine, some young girls some teenagers... it doesnt matter really, all i want is to have a home where girls feel wanted and loved, and where they can learn about God, and i can patiently love on them through a hard time in their life and for the rest of their lives or for the season that God allows me to be with them. thats what i want...
so will this happen? im not sure.. i could get the job i applied for several months ago. but will my heart change? no... the girls ive met, their stores, their sweet faces, are forever engrained on my mind and in my heart, i will never forget them, and i will always wish that i could have done more for them. i pray that God will lead me, especially over the next few weeks and months, to the right people to help me determine what He has planned for my future, and that He will give me a peace and understanding about His plans.
posted by Lauren Green at
8:17 PM
2 Comments:
thanks for the part about the foster girls. it's hard to step back and look at the big picture when they can be such hellyuns sometimes:) love you friend.
Love you and your heart keep praying he will show you the way!!!! I love you
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